What a long, strange trip it's been.
Did you miss me? Did you notice I wasn't even standing in the shadows, or behind the potted palms at your fancy affair? Seven years. Am I, as the old saw goes, a totally new person whose cells have regenerated during my absence? Or am I in the midst of a seven year cycle of Individuation, a time during which I have questioned my core identity merely because -- OMG -- merely because the face that was mirrored back was not my face.
November, 2010, during surgery for a blocked tear duct, I was diagnosed with Muco Epidermoid Carcinoma of the right nasolacrimal sack. Muco Epidermoid Carcinoma -- sounds like a Latin lover, doesn't it. An abusive lover. I lived over two years with a hole on my face between my eye and my nose, open to my sinus, open to every breath, open to every dry breeze. I barely endured six weeks of targeted radiation therapy, restrained to a table in a plastic mask, isolated with massive machinery. I have had five facial surgeries to date. I may need more. The open fistula is closed. But I will never again see my face mirrored back to me.
Who would you be without your face?
1 Comments:
I hope this is the beginning of a stream of consciousness. I love your writing!
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